This part of my life is called...

Time to slow down

2008-02-11T08:35:00.001-08:00

Have you ever sometimes felt like the loneliest person on the planet even though you are surrounded by people who love you and care for you? Like there is an emptiness in me that deperately needs to be filled up. The worst part is, its not something anyone can do for me.

I tell myself that its just a passing phase - all part of growing up and reaching an age whereby people start asking you questions like "So, when is it your turn?" - Questions that make you think about your life - all past, present and future. It felt like I was a teenager only moments ago.

I sometimes understand why I put myself through this - I find life so short. In a blink of an eye, this second is already in the past. I look at my parents or my almost-90-year-old-sinal-grandmother and think to myself that this second that their are in right now, must have felt like an instant. How do you arrive there so quickly? How do you find time to do everything?

I wish for time to slow down. I wish for more hours in a day. I wish to be grateful for every second gone by in my life.

I wish...

6 months later...

2008-02-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

New job....new salary....new commitments....that's how it's been with me 6 months since I last wrote on my blog. Sure isn't what I pictured life would be where I'm standing right now. I'm working longer hours and still as stressed out as before - though I'd like believe that my current stress is caused by my still "getting-to-know" phase.

So I am impatient! It sucks when all of sudden you're not the best at what you do anymore - when you're slow and new at everything you do, as though all those years of experience have done you nothing at all. Its frustrating when you don't know whether you're doing a good job or not. Jon-Jon calls me a "High-maintainance employee" - I don't even know what that means! HAhaha!

Aiyeah, you know what, bottom line: Don't kill yourself over your job la. There are better and grander things in life... like knowing that you are loved by someone unconditionally, like singing in choir and being apart of Soka Gakkai...simple things in life but so much grander because it fills my heart, it completes me.

Maybe its time you gave some thought about your life. Where do you wanna be 10 years from now? As for me....I wanna know what it means or how it feels to be completely and absolutely happy. That's all.

Never a forgotten memory

2007-08-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

Nearly half a year's work has finally come to an end - with a big bang if I might add. The show was a great success! Thousands (from parents to VIPs to members of the media) came to show their support. It was a full house all 3 nights.

We had such a blast performing. I just hope that our audience went home with something to remember.

And for the first time ever, we finally had a chance to witness the tree in full bloom. It was absolutely breath-taking.

Make Up time. My sisters touching up their make up. Vein Pots.

*sigh* Don't ask. Andrew and Chung Han indulging in a little bondage before show time. Sick!

See what these fellas do backstage! BTW, it's supposed to be the Tugu Negara!

Here's a picture of a very nervous me (back stage) just before I welcome over 1500 people.

Our extremely tensed AV and Lights team - making sure everything's perfect.

I love this picture. A scene during winter where the old man meets the two children & Tiger the cat. In the background you can see the dying Cherry Tree. This musical is a story of a brother and a sister (Taichi & Yumiko) who lost their father to the devastions of war. The children stumble upon an old man one day as he cares for what looks like a dying cherry tree. He hopes to see the cherry tree bloom

Our crazy Finale!

Having fun with the confetti at the finale! It was crazy! imagine this: 200 kids + a stage full of confetti = HAVOC!!!!! Hahahaha!! But it was beautifu;. One word would sum up everything for me. Beautiful....

Fully bloomed Cherry Tree! We have a fantastic props team.

Family Picture!

Cherry Tree: The Musical

2007-07-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

In less than a week, the first ever "home-produced" children's musical in SGMS's history will take stage. I'm so proud to have contributed to it. I wished I could've been more involved during the first month of practise but the nature of my job was too over-whelming.

Fortunately, before my work load could weigh me down, I managed to write and compose a number of songs for the musical - it's like my debut. Hhmmm...Definately an awesome experience to hear your work come to live through the help of an excellent engineer and arranger but an even greater feeling to hear your song being performed and having to know that it helped to bring tears and touched the hearts of some viewers.

We'll be producing a "Cherry Tree" The Musical soundtrack as well. I can't wait for that to happen.

I'll be the MC and the "story-teller" for all 3 nights of the musical. To tell you the truth, when the musical came about, I wanted to audition for the role of the "mother" but obviously I didn't because I couldn't committ my time for rehearsals. I prayed for a role in this musical and just about 2 weeks ago, I blessed with the role of the "story-teller" or narrator. It was perfect.

Big big thank you everyone who has worked so hard for it (day and night).

Cherry Tree: The Musical (A Story Written By Daisaku Ikeda). Blooming this 22nd July, 28th July and the 29th July @ Soka Gakkai Malaysia (Selangor Branch) Cultural Centre, Klang. Watch out for it.

Kristy's Birthday 2007

2007-07-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

Finally got the pictures from Kristy's birthday @ Atrium. It was a small little surprise get-together that Mich and I arranged for her. The woman was feeling so down the entire week about not being able to really celebrate her birthday. Actually this is the first year that she didn't really celebrate at a club. Mich and I even sent a bouquet of her favorite sunflowers to her office with a note apologizing for not being able to celebrate with her. We got SK (kristy's fiance to play along as well)

Just before she arrived, Mich and I were just telling each each "This woman had better burst into tears when she gets here man!" And she did!! Mission accomplished!! Seeing Kristy burst into tears of happiness - Priceless - For everything else, there's Mastercard. heheheh!!!

Kristy! An economical birthday with close friends is good. Plus you can actually remember it, unlike most birthdays where you remember everything else before the alcohol kicked in.

Anyway, it was a lovely get-together. Girlfriends & Partners only! Just Shirley, Shireen, Jinee Heather, Michelle, the birthday girl and me. Oh and Jinee was the camera woman for the night (thats why all our pictures look damn nice - RM6000 camera and of course good camera woman also lor~~~)

Me and my two best girls!!!

Free at last

2007-07-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

Finally, the day that I've waited for is finally here. Feels soooo damnn good to wake up in the morning thinking that you're going to be late for work and then finally realising "Hey wait a minute, I don't have to go to work today." Dahahaha!!! OUhhh!!!! I loveee it!!!!!

Strangely enough, I had to go back to the office yesterday for a VO (Voice Over) job. So weird cause I was just saying my goodbyes to my colleagues the day before. I had like people giving me surprised weird looks "What the hell are you still doing here?" "Eh, you miss us so much is it?" "Can you please don't be a workaholic and go home?". And believe me, I tried to avoid seeing as much of colleagues as possible. Don't want them t start asking me questions about work!

Supposed to have a lunch appointment at Caffe 1920 in Bangsar Village at 12pm yesterday but it didn't happen. Ended up shopping instead. Spent close to RM300 for 8 items! 2 jackets, 3 tops, a pair of shorts and a pair of earings. *sigh* I love shopping!!

Planning to go Penang for a couple of days - badly need to go for a massage...ahhhh...niceee.
Will let you guys know once I've got things planned out.

2 more days...

2007-07-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

Aaahh....today was a good day. Ain't nothing gonna bring me down when freedom is just 2 blissful days away. Boss brought me out for lunch today at Mandarin Oriental Hotel... yummmmy dimsum and the super delicious durian pancakes for dessert. She even bought me this beautiful silver necklace with a Virgo pendant as a going-away present.

*sigh* I know I'm really going to miss it all but I can't deny that it sure as hell feels good knowing that in just under 2 days, I will be able to wake up in the morning and not think about work. It's nothing like being on leave. Shietz! Even while you're actually on leave, you get moronic-jokers calling you up about work. I went to Redang Island for my much awaited holiday last April and I had a call about work nearly every day that I was there.

Anyway, I ended my day at an exchange meet with two "LKK" Choirs at SM Hin Hua. Now, that was fun. There were around 50 over people there and we were practising some songs together. Feels great to have loads of backup around you even when you're lost. Ok, when I say LKK I mean Lau Kok Kok in Hokkien la. At least that's how my choir master refers to them...hahahah. We performed Beauty & The Beast to them - Unfortunately, I thought we could've done a much better job. Well anyway, the aunties prepared a whole spread of yummy delights from cakes, noodles, "kuih" and some other stuff that sounds a bit like "Chui Chui Kue" hahahaha...I DON'T KNOW OK! Bottom line, we had loads of fun. Always have a great time with my choir members.

*sigh* just 2 more days...counting down every minute of it.

Transformers

2007-06-28T03:35:00.000-07:00

Seriously, call me whatever but I honestly think that Transformers (the movie) was really really really awesome! I watched Die Hard 4.0 the day before and I thought it was an awesome action packed "old school" meets "new school" movie but Transformers was just....(phhuuh!)

The special effects just blew me away. I was practically on the edge of my seat throughout the entire movie and not to mention, I had to hold my pee for 2.5 hours! I mean, it was almost nostalgic hearing the actual voice of Optimus Prime say "Autobots, roll out!". Its kinda like how certain smells or certain songs remind you of special time and place in your life...yeah...felt a lil' like that in the cinema yesterday. I must admit that I am not a huge fan (eventhough I grew up watching Transformers as a kid) but damn, the movie last night just made me one.

As awesome as I think it may be, I do have people around me who thought the movie was a really corny. A colleague of mine was going on and on about how corny the whole movie was. Everything was so overdone and bla bla bla...Hahahah!

Anyway, to you reading this, if you haven't watched it yet...go get your tickets NOW!!!!!

@#$%&

2007-06-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY!!!!

I am surrounded by people who hardly use their brains for anything! A bunch of fucking spoon fed, spoilt, lazy mo-fos who don't bloody-well own up to ANYTHING, who don't take responsibility for ANYTHING and don't give a shit about ANYTHING! I am so sick and tired of baby-sitting these bunch of CLOWNS!

Nuked!

2007-06-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

The day at work started out pretty much like any other normal day. Mondays being my least favorite of days, I had intended to go through it without any fuck ups from anyone - least of all me.

What I was about to go through this day would be the MOTHER of "Tjin's Most Embarrassing moments at work". So anyway, one meeting came by after another - until the final one for the day arrived and then... that's when it started. I tell you, it all began with just a simple slip of the tongue (and not even from my own damn tongue) and that was it.

I had bombs thrown at me like I was bloody Hiroshima. It was friggin' nuclear. I was already biting my lip. Forcing my tears back and praying so hard that I don't make a Peter Petreli out of myself and explode! Oh and in case you were wondering, it wasn't a small meeting yah! I haven't felt so embarrassed since my math teacher pulled me up to the front of the class to finish up a mathematical problem that I absolutely could not understand (I hate maths).

*sigh* Two and a half more weeks to go. It can't get any worse than this.

"Change"

2007-06-10T03:15:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said "Change is the only constant in this universe".

As my life progresses, the only constant struggle that I face is change. The struggle to adapt to new surroundings, the struggle to appear stronger than you really are and the struggle to adapt to an ever changing "me". Many of us who are caught in this dog eat dog world (or rat race) would understand the importance of this - you brace your face with an armour of smiles and composure - you brave the world and become the pillar of strength. The moment you remove the armour, you're as vulnerable as a child... hoping to depend on someone.

I'm going to be going through another change in my life. I quit my job. One that I've stuck to for over 5 years - my first job since graduation. The minute I saw how this job was consuming my life and how it has affected me even on a personal level, I knew it was time to throw in the towel and call it quits.

To tell you the truth, I brought this upon myself. I set a very high bench mark for myself especially when I make it a personal goal to outdo the best person on the job. And I believe that I am what I am now because I've never been competitive in school - Always just an average, "fly-by" student. A nobody. So to make up for all that I didn't do in school, I decided to torture myself at work...hahahaha...kesian.

So anyway, I'll be leaving at the end of June and starting new job 1st August. JULY? Tis the season to bum around! DAMN!!! 4 weeks - that's nearly 30 days of doing absolutely NOTHING! Oh, July is going to be awesome.

Till then I'll just to be patient and wait for change to come.